Ten years ago, I moved from NYC (what I thought would be my forever home) to Illinois (where I was born and raised). The transition challenged my ego: my identity was tied to being a fashion designer in NYC, but I wasn’t in NYC, and I wasn’t designing.
My business has grown, and for the past two years, I’ve worked with an amazing team of women in India manufacturing my skirts.
But now, because I’m not sewing all day, I sometimes feel unproductive. Isn’t productivity stress and overworking?
Once, I tied my identity to being a designer in NYC. Now, I fight the urge to tie it to busyness. My mind took a different route to end up at the same conclusion: that I am the problem. But because I did the work 10 years ago (technically though the work started 10 years ago, it took probably 7 years total to reclaim my “me-ness” outside of NYC and my original career goals), I recognize the lie and know how to untie it.
Recently, I had the opportunity to join a cool retail space in NYC. I had to sit with the choice: do I spend a lot of money and energy on a new venture? I had to make sure I was answering with no identity in the game. I didn’t want to say yes just to feel validated. I needed to be valid without the opportunity.
So I wrestled with it. Financially, it was a stretch. And right now, my work-life balance is just right. With volleyball four nights a week, weekends full, and Jarrett traveling, I’ve had the flexibility to cook dinner at 5 or 7:30, to do laundry on a weekday instead of a weekend.
Last week, I talked about missing the excitement of designing new projects, but also realizing I’m right where I want to be. I’m an artist, and my art is arting.
So I said no to the opportunity—with no sadness in my heart. That’s pretty cool, isn’t it? To appreciate a well-placed no: knowing it’s the right no, and that it doesn’t define my worth.